Tuesday, April 20, 2010
that is how my life is going right now, completely out of focus.
I am like this great big momma hen trying to get all my chicks back under my wings and just about the time I think I have them all tucked and filed away neatly I find that 2 or 3 have escaped and another is ready to pop out! Arrrgghhhh!! I am so not a chaos person. I like my schedules. I like my boring little life to be practically the same week after week! I like knowing what I am going to be doing in two weeks so that I can plan a little about how it will happen.
Please dear goddess all of things right and whole, put my life back on it little rusty track and let me ramble on.
My life now includes emphysema. What this appears at the moment to mean, is that I will never again not be short of breath. Ok, I can deal with that right. I now have a good excuse for not training for a 20k marathon. simple... right. No, apparently it means more than that. I don't have all the facts yet, but I will. I hope.
What I really need now is to know that this is it. This is wear it stops. This needs to be what I have and no more, "well we thought it was.........but now we think it is...." What has happened to me is I have gone from allergies, to worse than usual allergies... ummm.. to bronchial inflammation to congestive heart failure to ... (please be the last) emphysema. This has been in the last 6 weeks.
If anyone out there in blogland has the magical ability to make this dervish I currently am calling my life stop spinning... I beg of you.. please. Pretty please.
I know deep down in the dusty logical parts of my brain that I am still extremely lucky and should just be thankful I wake up above ground. Look at me for heavens sake.. I have and am typing on a computer and having it go out over the entire planet! I do know this ... somewhere, deep down there..... I just need a a tiny bit of focus to bring it back to the forefront.
Ramble, ramble... vent. Ok... done.
On with the show!
till next time, the Oz
photo credit: Églantine on flickr